Sunday, April 6, 2014

Spare Me From All Those Food Shows, Please!

I don’t know about you, but I for one am just up to my incisors with food shows. I’ve had it with the buffed “Dinner: Impossible” food guy, the spiked hair blonde, the tatted guy in the vintage Camaro, the truly irritating Ramsey and that guy who eats all those really disgusting foods. Yes, I’ve had it with food shows, but there’s one foodie with whom I do take exception.

Nigella Lawson was always interesting and since she was also a bit overweight I liked that, too. Who wants to always see pencil-thin women on TV? They really don’t represent the great majority of American women who now wear what, size 14-16 and not Zero or Zero-Plus or whatever ridiculous number some dumb bunny came up with in their atelier. Do people still have ateliers? I wonder.  I’m beginning to sound like Elaine Stritch.

I do know that when I recently went into a particular women’s clothing store in Florida I was walking out because I couldn’t find my size. A saleswoman (wonder if they work on commission like Bloomies) quickly stepped to my side and nicely asked if she could help me “find something.” I told her that I didn’t wear size 0 and she looked me up and down and said, “No, you’re a 2 or maybe a 3.” Oh, no, I’d shrunk overnight! How did I go from my comfortable now size 10-12 to a 2-3? Was it a miracle, an illness or had I walked into The Twilight Zone?

I dismissed it when she told me that they had “special sizing.” What does that mean? Are they catering to some crazy notion of “size is everything” or is it just plain crazy? I suppose if women want to buy into that size 0 nuttiness, this store has nailed it for them. Forevermore they will have to shop here because everywhere else they will be buying clothing for amazons and I don’t mean the online retailer. What a way to cement customer loyalty. Truly innovative when you can convince women to dismiss sanity for fantasy sizing.

But back to Nigella. As I said, I always found her more interesting than other TV foodies and she does love her chocolate and deserts and worked in a more natural kitchen setting. Maybe she has a Viking stove, but I didn’t really see it because all the camerawork was close-up and on her and the food.

Why do I mention her here today? Well, it’s because I feel she is being unfairly singled out for exclusion from the U.S. because she admitted she used cocaine at one time.  Look, she’s not a drug lord, an unethical banker or hedge fund runner who defrauded people from their homes. She did a little coke. So what? What’s really behind this? I can’t believe she had her PR people whisper into someone ear at Immigration to get her bounced off her first-class plane seat and sent to ignominiously collect her luggage. Did they really send her to collect her luggage? I can’t imagine how she felt. Talk about being humiliated.

Ah, but Nigella, you must be punished for this transgression of acceptable laws, mustn’t you? No, because you’re not the only one who has done it and has been welcomed into the open arms of Customs here in the US. Who else has been welcomed? I don’t want to count the ways, but you know who they are and they are legion.

I do remember that silly marijuana farce with John Lennon ages ago. Remember when he had to go to Toronto because they wouldn’t let him into the US? I don’t think it was the weed they were really seeing as all that offensive, but perhaps his stance on giving peace a chance.

What’s Nigella’s real problem here? Could it be her former-billionaire-husband’s efforts? We’ll never know but this public spanking is unacceptable. If you have a rule for one, you have it for all and I don’t really think they’ve been operating that way.

So, I say, let Nigella come to our shores as so many others have and stop shaming this woman as though she were a drug mule.